What I Learned About Sex on Quora

January 26, 2011 § 3 Comments

By: June Lin

So the other day I heard that Marc Bodnick called me the “sex queen of Quora,” and some people seem to think I’m some sort of sexpert, but if you read my answers in the sex topic carefully, you’ll see that I never reveal anything about my personal life. In fact, I could be a virgin, for all you know, trying to make these pages a reusable resource for all the other virgins out there doing research to satiate their immodest curiosities. After my perilous exploits in this lasciviously awkward area of the Quoraverse, I am divulging everything that I’ve learned.

Apparently there are many terms for having sex and etiquette around sex is quite complicated. If a man asks to park his yacht in my harbor or liquefy my holdings, he is not talking about nautical refuge or equity investments. He is, in fact, asking to stick his blind butler into some sort of cavernous tunnel of mine. Offering some poor soul a glass of water isn’t even safe anymore. If you have sex with a man in exchange for a dinner date, you don’t have to report the dinner as income on IRS form 1040 because the transaction is not commercial in nature. Unless, of course, you are a prostitute, but I heard that going into the sex business is not a good career move.

The female orgasm is definitely quite a mysterious phenomenon amongst some men in the Silicon Valley, but most women insist that they exist. Some people also seem to think that if a woman can’t connect with a man emotionally, she won’t be able to achieve orgasm and consequently can’t get pregnant. Women are also more likely to have orgasms with rich and symmetrical men. Notorious womanizer Geoffrey Hamilton states that you can condition women to be turned on by and have orgasms from the sound of your voice. Supposedly it’s also acceptable for a short man to tell a woman that “it turns [him] on to eat a girl out on her period” when you first meet her, so I don’t know how sound his judgment really is.

I also learned various things about human anatomy like how to find and stimulate the deep spot, g-spot, and prostate (which is the size of a kiwi fruit). Anal sex is also apparently not painful when executed gently with generous amounts of lubrication and is actually surprisingly clean at the end. Some people have a problem where their penises fall out of vaginas all the time, so they should sit face to face and take small swings. If a petite, emo man uses excessive emoticons in online conversation, run the other way because he might have a small penis.

To really understand great sexual technique, you need to have experience in both giving and receiving. In giving blow jobs, “learning how to deep-throat at will… is an essential foundation and the first real step to achieving world-class skill.” Some men, especially those with special interests in startups and firearms, would rather write answers on Quora than wear a condom while getting a blow-job. The remedy for not enjoying blow-jobs from women, however, is to get a real blow-job from a man. Or you can just masturbate to the “sweet sound of patriarchy being crushed underfoot” if you prefer a solo act.

I’m really glad that Quora has a sex section so that people, like me, can learn about the things that we can’t talk to our friends, mentors, and parents about. The many misconceptions about sex can be precluded if you cite a lot of sources, write objectively, state anecdotal evidence authoritatively, and make Quora a truly reusable resource!

June Lin is a closet virgin on Quora.

§ 3 Responses to What I Learned About Sex on Quora

  • Andrew says:

    This is great, but the links everywhere are just whipped cream on top. Whipped cream I’d readily lick off in the form of clicking and reading the pages they link to.

  • Murali says:

    “Some people also seem to think that if a woman can’t connect with a man emotionally, she won’t be able to achieve orgasm”

    I still say that it is difficult for a woman to orgasm until she finds the man emotionally attractive. For men, orgasm and arousal are visual, for women it is mostly emotional or mental.

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